Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
