Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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