We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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