So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
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the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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