I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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