i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
