nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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