Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
