My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
