lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
