I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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