Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
