just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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