the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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