I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
