you guys were way drunker than both of me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
