I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
