The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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