So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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