It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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