That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
