sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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