you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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