we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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