now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
