So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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