Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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