At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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