why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My vagina is very pro this idea
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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