Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
