there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Randomize
