You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
