She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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