that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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