I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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