I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
