I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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