so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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