You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hippo gnu deer
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Randomize
