She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
