I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
