one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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