I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
