i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
