He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
