He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
