That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
