Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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