someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
