One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
