my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
