Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
