dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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