I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
