We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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