One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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