He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
