It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
