I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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