If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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