I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
