The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
