Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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