I bet he comes in French.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
