it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
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It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
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