He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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