so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
