oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
