if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The air was thick with penises
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
