just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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