in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
