Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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