Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
