Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
