if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
