Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
